Saturday, February 23, 2008

I miss my friend...my brother


It was 6 years ago today, February 23, 2002, that my life changed forever. I received a phone call from my sister Kendra at 6:00 am saying that Greg was gone....I thought gone where? He was dead. His wife Wanda had found him when she came home from working the midnight shift at Avondale Mills. He was gone. I was able to make it to their house before the coroner took him away and I am so thankful for that.


I remember that day as if it were yesterday. I still feel that punch in the stomach that the phone call brought to me that day. It was so painfully hard to say goodbye to Greg..and still is. I sometimes don't even think that it is true. I miss my friend...


They say that time heals all wounds and for a long time I didn't believe it. But I do agree that as time has gone by, the pain has weakened but it will never be forgotten. I like to take this day and celebrate Greg's life and honor his memory.


As a family, My Mom and Dad and siblings usually go to his grave site and say a few words on this day, but we were not able to go today because of other circumstances. Some of us were together today and we ate bologna sandwiches in his honor - Greg's go-to meal. I made Greg thousands of bologna sandwiches as we were growing up. Greg called me his little shadow because everywhere he went, I wanted to go. I idolized him and wanted to be like him when we were kids. He was 6 years older than me and I remember when he got his drivers license, we would go to the store for my mom and we would always "take the long way home". Our way of just spending time together. I miss my friend...


I wrote this letter one week after he died, just as a way of recording my pain and feelings. I have never shared it with anyone, but I guess I am now sharing it with the world...


3/1/2002

I wish that today was last week, that it was Friday 2/22 instead of Friday 3/1. I can't turn back time but if I could, this is what I would do. I would be there for my brother, I would get him the help he needed, I would hold him and tell him how much I love him, I would pray with him for forgiveness, I would ask him about his life, I would tell him about mine. I would hold him and never let him go! I wasn't there and he died alone. I wasn't there the days and weeks before - I didn't know that they would be his last. We never know.

My whole life changed on 2/23 when Kendra called and said, "Greg is gone." Life has not been and never will be the same again. My heart is torn apart with grief, sorrow, guilt and regret. I feel as if I can't go on but I know I have to.

I loved Greg so much just like I do the rest of my family. We were really close growing up. I was his little shadow. He was 6 years older than me and I thought everything he did was the coolest. I can't believe he is gone.

So much of what I am today was influenced by him. The kind of music I listen to, TV shows I like, I can't look up at the sky at night without thinking of Greg. We used to lay on top of the car at night and stare at the sky looking for falling stars and UFOs.
Greg, I miss you so much and always will...




3 comments:

Doum said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
SillyMissyMoo said...

Hey Dee, I guess we were thinking alike tonight. I love your poem.
Who is doum....be careful clicking on that link.

Leigh said...

Deedra,
I am so very sorry. You had me in tears. I cannot begin to imagine what the loss of a sibling must be like and I hope that I never know that pain. I am so glad though that you are left with such fond memories of your brother. I think you honor him in such a wonderful way in the things you and your fmaily do. You also honor him by remembering him, saying his name, keeping his meory alove. He lives on in you and his family. I know he smiles on that thought alone.
My most sincere condancles for your loss, but know he is with the Lord.
Leigh